As mentioned in the “Living Broken Doll” blog post, I do deal with mental health issues so the onslaught of the beginning of Covid brought on an increase to it all which I didn’t think was possible. The closing of places like the therapy clinic I go to for lockdowns happened fairly quickly as it all started here in New York state. I didn’t have therapy for like a month as they tried to figure out how they were going to do all this while patients couldn’t physically come in. I always used to wish to be able to have doctor appointments at home to make things so much less stressful and panicky but it’s not what it’s cracked up to be. The fact of having your doctor or therapist having you on speakerphone is so difficult for the sheer matter that it hard for me to fully hear them. They do it on web visits too instead of use earphone or headphones micphones. Alas it’s the way you do it while there is cases out there.

I redeveloped agoraphobia during the first few months of the pandemic. Between the fear of getting it every time I left my apartment to check mail and such to the isolation I was feeling on a daily basis. I still struggling with be so fearful of leaving my apartment building. The not knowing and the now masks mandates gone. It’s just so hard for me when I have asthma despite being triple vaccinated to feel safe. Covid being a deadly respiratory virus just makes it dangerous for me. Although you’d think I would’ve felt calmer after I saw this Youtuber I follow that has asthma worse than me who got Covid and survived but nope I still afraid. Phobias are a whole new level of mental disorders.

I recently broke down in tears to a care manager I have saying that I couldn’t take feeling this way anymore. The isolation and agoraphobia the past 2 years hard just taken it’s toll on me. I’ve had my psychological medications messed up like 3 times during the whole pandemic and have gone through withdrawals which aren’t a nice feeling at all. I only take 2 psychological medications in case anyone thinks I on a ton of them. One for mood and another for depression/panic. So my care manager said he’d try to help me anyway he can. I wait to see that happen since care managers in my experience aren’t really there for helping me totally.

I’ll update on this as things get better and I overcome the agoraphobia. I hate that it resurfaced. It took me like 20 years to get it dormant. Thankies for reading. Blessed be.