I’ve gone through my life feeling like I just not good enough for any human being especially guys. People love to use me for whatever they want to but they never truly want me. I try to give them a chance to see me as something other than a dishrag basically and yet they never do. They also see me as nothing but someone who needs to be taken care of ’cause of my disabilities. It’s like people don’t realize that those whom are disabled can take care of themselves in many ways of life. The main thing I need help with is cleaning which is just a small part of everyday life.

Guys have always acted like I’m a good buddy ole pal or just a gal to use for their carnal needs. I’ve crushed on a lot of guys when I was in my school days which each time I admitted to liking them they’d tell me just how much they not like me. It’s always pointing out how terribly wrong I am to ever be wanted by them. If it wasn’t my weight then it was that my hair color wasn’t the right one or that I felt too deeply. I can’t be everything that’s perfect to be able to be wanted. As I grew older, all I seem good for is guys to play with me for like one day or night then just up and poof on me. Seriously if they only want that then maybe they should buy themselves a doll to toy with. The ones who actually show emotions for me will in no time backpeddle from feeling for me that you’d think I had the black plague. Recently I had a guy friend do it to me and I feel lonely, lost, empty, and broken. I feel so unwanted by guys and everyone. I wish I could just live life with no need for any human interactions since it is never good for me in the end.

So that’s why I constantly asking “why not me?” my whole life.