Some News April 2026

I making this a short like news update blog post as I not really in mood to type a ton. I had made plans for 4 things to do of content this month but after this early morning I decided to take the month off from doing anything as I don’t feel like doing anything currently. All those plans have been moved to other future months. Simply check out the calendar on the Site Updates page of my site for details.  Appreciate those who like my content when I do them and apologies for skipping this month.

I added on Contact Me page to let you all know that for an unknown period of time that I won’t be on Discord as a way to contact me. I’ve literally uninstalled the app and fully got it into hiatus mode this afternoon. A mega horrible thing happened this morning from someone I met on there that I let myself be vulnerable to and was feeling for and was trusting in some ways. Let’s just say that he did a 180° change of way of who he had been with me. It was too much a de ja vue feeling as I’ve had the change in character happen before. I know it ’cause he didn’t want to be around me anymore due to my borderline personality disorder. I told him to read about being with someone with the disorder so he’d understand. He like lives a town not far from me and I was excited to see him one day soon and he sounded so stoked too until this morning. I was so distraught by his sudden change since I been here before and not had anyone really to talk to much in like half a year (talk to him alot each day for I thinking 5 days) so I bonded & attached to him faster than normal so I was honest that I was hating being alive at that moment of him hurting me. Well his reply was to send me a picture of a rifle. Yea it was horrible experience this morning so I trying to cope and recover. I need time away.

See you all next month for a proper blog post of a topic. Blessed be. )O(

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Why Not Me?

I’ve gone through my life feeling like I just not good enough for any human being especially guys. People love to use me for whatever they want to but they never truly want me. I try to give them a chance to see me as something other than a dishrag basically and yet they never do. They also see me as nothing but someone who needs to be taken care of ’cause of my disabilities. It’s like people don’t realize that those whom are disabled can take care of themselves in many ways of life. The main thing I need help with is cleaning which is just a small part of everyday life.

Guys have always acted like I’m a good buddy ole pal or just a gal to use for their carnal needs. I’ve crushed on a lot of guys when I was in my school days which each time I admitted to liking them they’d tell me just how much they not like me. It’s always pointing out how terribly wrong I am to ever be wanted by them. If it wasn’t my weight then it was that my hair color wasn’t the right one or that I felt too deeply. I can’t be everything that’s perfect to be able to be wanted. As I grew older, all I seem good for is guys to play with me for like one day or night then just up and poof on me. Seriously if they only want that then maybe they should buy themselves a doll to toy with. The ones who actually show emotions for me will in no time backpeddle from feeling for me that you’d think I had the black plague. Recently I had a guy friend do it to me and I feel lonely, lost, empty, and broken. I feel so unwanted by guys and everyone. I wish I could just live life with no need for any human interactions since it is never good for me in the end.

So that’s why I constantly asking “why not me?” my whole life.

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